The #1 Thing High Performers Lie About in 1:1s

They’re smiling. They’re hitting goals. They’re saying all the right things.

And you’re thinking: God, I wish everyone was like them.

But they’re lying to you.

Not maliciously. Not manipulatively.

They’re just tired.

Not “I need a nap” tired. The kind of tired that builds slowly, quietly, and then suddenly says — I’m done.

The Hidden Tax of “High Performance”

Your top performers don’t just do more.

They also hide more.

• They carry the underperformers you haven’t dealt with.

• They self-manage because coaching them feels awkward.

• They outgrow the role—and you don’t notice until they’re already mentally gone.

• They nod in the 1:1s. They say “all good.” They leave in 3 months.

And you’re left thinking: What just happened?

Why They’re Not Telling You the Truth

Here’s the psychology:

• They’ve been rewarded their whole lives for suppressing their needs.

• They don’t trust you’ll do anything if they’re honest.

• They think asking for help makes them look weak.

• And worst of all… They’ve decided it’s easier to go solo than stay silent.

Fix the 1:1 — Or Risk the 911

This isn’t a check-in problem.

It’s a check-under problem.

If you want real answers, you need better questions.

Ask them:

• “What’s one part of your role that’s quietly draining you right now?”

• “Where do you feel like your effort’s going unnoticed?”

• “Who on the team do you secretly wish would step up—or step out?”

• “If you were to leave in 90 days, what would be the reason?”

Then count to 10.

Hold the silence long enough to make it safe for honesty to show up.

Bonus: Lead With Your Own Truth

People don’t open up when you ask.

They open up when you do.

Try starting the 1:1 with this:

You just flipped the power dynamic.

You’re not the boss in that moment. You’re the signal that honesty is allowed.

Try This Today

Best,
Peter Delle

P.S. Here’s Why High Performers Can’t Think Anymore